The Difference Between Men and Women

• If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
• If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

• When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

• A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

• Women love cats.
• Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

• A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.