MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT.

1. Maxine on "Solidarity" - It's 'one nation under God...', or bite my skinny old ass and leave!"

2. Maxine on "Flag Burning" - "If you muyst burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first."

3. Maxine on Real women - "Real women don't have hot flashes. They have power surges."

4. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......

5. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my ass!"

6. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

7.Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

8. Maxine on "The Perfect Man" - 'All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

9. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."

10. Maxine on "Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the ass twice."

11. Maxine on "Aging" -"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large Margarita."

12. Maxine continues on "aging" - "Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up! "

13. Maxine on "Life Philosophy" - "If you woke up breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance."

14, Maxine on "domestic Disturbances" - "When the neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked. Shuts 'em down pretty quick. "

15. Maxine on "Sweating the small stuff" - "Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it."

16. Maxine on "Weather" - "If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet."

17. Maxine on "Middle Age" - "The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals."

18. Maxine on "the auto industry" - "The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."

19. Maxine on "human nature" - "To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely."

20. Maxine on "Body Art" - "Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?"

21. Maxine on "Happiness" - "Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Kia."

22. Maxine on "Married Men" - "Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single."

23. Maxine on "Holiday celebrations in different Geographical localities" - "Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween."

24. Maxine on "Benefits of aging pains" - "After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

"So don't forget ......... come November 2008 .

VOTE FOR MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

No one better for the job."