Halloween Groaners
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
""Do you believe in people?""

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
A. He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
A. I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
A. He turns into a bat every night.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
A. She bats her eyes.

What did the cannibal do when he saw an ""All you can eat"" restaurant?
A. He had two waiters and a busboy.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. I Scream.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A. Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray.

What do you call a little monster's parents?
A. Mummy and deady.

What do you call a monster with no neck?
A. The Lost Neck Monster.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand witch.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A. A sour-puss.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo.

What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
A. The actors get stage fright.


What instrument do skeletons play?
A. Trom-BONE.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A. A celebrity roast.

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
A. Decomposing.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. Mas-scare-a.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos.

What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
A. Sheet music.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A. A boo-tie.

What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
A. Spelling.

What's a ghost's favorite desert?
A. Boo-berry pie.

What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers.

Where do most werewolves live?
A. In Howllywood, California.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A. Mali-boo.

Where does a one-armed man shop?
A. At a second hand store.

Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A. The Vampire State Building.

Which songs does Dracula hate?
A. ""You Are My Sunshine"" and ""Sunshine on my Shoulders.""

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart.

Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.

Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A. Sherlock Bones.

Who was the most famous witch detective?
A. Warlock Holmes.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin.

Why did the cannibal rush over to the cafeteria?
A. He heard children were half price.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the boos.

Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
A. To see if she was his type.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A. He had no guts.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A. He has a bat temper.

Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ?
A. The cook was beating the eggs.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet!

Q. Why did Dracula's mommy give him cold medicine?
A. To stop his ""coffin""!

Q. Who did Frankenstien take to the school dance?
A. His ""ghoul"" friend!

Q. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
A. He was buttering up his teacher.

Q. Do witches stay home on weekends?
A. No. They go away for a spell.

Q. How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?
A. He has a big D on his pajamas.

Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

Q. How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A. By blood vessels.

Q. How do witches tell the time?
A. Using a witch-watch

Q. How does a witch travel when she doesn't have a broom?
A. She witch hikes!

Q. How does the silly witch know what time it is?
A. She looks at her witch-watch.

Q. What did Dracula say to Wolfman after introducing his new girlfriend?
A. ""I've always been a sucker for a pretty face""!

Q. What did the detective say when he solved the case of the missing mummy?
A. ""Well, that one's about wrapped up!""

Q. What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
A. Tombstones

Q. What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
A. Frankenfurters with Ketchup

Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A. Don't spook until your spooken to.

Q. What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
A. ""You are driving me batty.""

Q. What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
A. The dentist!

Q. What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when they got into the car?
A. ""Don't forget to buckle your sheetbelt!""

Q. What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A. ""Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"".

Q. What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
A. White Pillowcases

Q. What do baseball players do on Halloween?
A. They practice pitchcraft.

Q. What do ghosts like to do for recreation in their spare time?
A. They go ""booling""!

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream

Q. What do ghouls order at McMonsters?
A. Handburgers.

Q. What do little ghosts drink?
A. Evaporated milk.

Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit !

Q. What do spooks call their Navy?
A. The ghost guard.

Q. What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A. Twick or Tweet

Q. What do witches put on their hair?
A. Scare spray

Q. What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A. A holy terror.

Q. What do you call a monster that has been locked in a freezer all night?
A. A cool ghoul!