You know you live in Florida when . . .

• You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
  
• Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
  
• You know the plot to Groundhog Day and haven't even seen the movie.
  
• There's a "No Wake" sign posted at the end of your driveway.
  
• Having a tree in the living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
  
• You consider plywood a window treatment.
  
• You know which weathercasters are pregnant.
  
• The term "huge fan" has nothing to do with sports.
  
• You won't trade cars until you've tried to guess which tree to park your lemon under for the next hurricane.
  
• You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or tree-service worker.
  
• You actually like talking to your insurance agent.
  
• Toilet paper is elevated to coin of the realm at shelters.
  
• Your swimming pool experiences tides.
  
• A hurricane with wind hits you harder than a hurricane with alcohol.
  
• You know the difference between "the good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
  
• Suspended tolls are a highlight of your life.
  
• A battery-powered TV is considered an entertainment center.
  
• Your 5-year-old knows the difference between a Category 2 and Category 3 storm.
  
• You find the hum of a generator erotic.
  
• You can't swim because your pool is full of patio furniture.
  
• You actually have seen pigs fly.
  
• You own seven or more of the following: a generator, a power inverter, a weather radio, a battery-powered TV, a battery-powered fan, battery-powered lanterns, a 5-gallon gasoline can, several tarps, a chain saw, a pole saw and a rain suit.
  
• Your parrot can say "Hunker down."
  
• You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
  
• You miss the days when the only topics that put Florida in the national news were flawed elections and drug kingpins
  
• Your children associate huffing and puffing to blow a house down not with a Big Bad Wolf, but with a hurricane.
  
• You know exactly how long two bags of ice will last in your cooler.
  
• You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
  
• Your hurricane parties keep getting canceled because of hurricanes.
  
• Even as an adult, sundown means time for bed.