Top 10 George W. Bush debate strategies

10. Ask the question, "We've never had a horse-faced president so why should we start now?"
9. Instead of witty retorts, have secret service wrestle Senator Kerry to the ground.
8. Use Kerry's long-winded answers to go backstage and chug another glass of beer.
7. Hope one of them hurricanes cancels the debate.
6. Instead of water, fill Kerry's mug with Red Bull and vodka.
5. Joke prop--giant waffle.
4. Move lips to pretend microphone isn't working.
3. Handle it same way he handled national guard duty--don't show up.
2. If Kerry makes a good point, distract him with some chaw spit in the eye.
1. Point out Senator Kerry's mispronunciation of the word "nucular."