How To Install a Poor-man's Security System
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots -- a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
"Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in a half hr.
Don't disturb the pit bulls; they've just been de-wormed."