Christmas Quickies

The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
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Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.


Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.


There was a young reindeer named Nate
Who at Christmas would procrastinate
"I'll buy presents tomorrow,"
He'd say, to his sorrow,
for Christmas by Easter's too late.


Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.


Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Ponder this: If a man is walking in the forest, and there is no woman present to hear him speak, is he still wrong?

What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle

Who sings "Love Me Tender," and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph

What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet

What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet

What is the cow's holiday greeting?
Mooooory Christmas

What does Santa like to eat?
A jolly roll

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen

What does Santa say when he is sick?
OH OH NO!

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
Sandy Claus

The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.