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Joke of the Day: Monday's Joke: diet rules

Posted by: ladymindyonMonday, September 19, 2005 - 05:00 AM Print article

diet rules


Here are some new diet rules you can actually live by!
Start losing all the weight you ever dreamed of losing!
  • Cookie pieces contain no fat - the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: Cookies sold by Texas D" Lites distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no fat content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
  • Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are Ice Cream, Frozen pies and popsicles.
  • Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories, e.g. spinach and pistachio ice cream; mush- rooms and white chocolate. Note: Chocolate is a universal color and maybe substituted for any other food color without increasing caloric content.
  • If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
  • If you fatten everyone else around you, then you look thinner.... So encourage others to eat more... and more often...
  • In food used for medicinal purposes the calories NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
  • Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are not part of one's personal fuel... merely entertainment.
  • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife when making a sandwich, ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae.
  • When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do. (see above, encouraging others)
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