The Top 5 Signs You've Got the Bird Flu
5> You just called in sick with a cough and fever -- from your winter nesting site in Costa Rica.
4> You find yourself pole vaulting buck naked over parked cars so you can crap on the windshields.
3> The other "Fear Factor" contestants marvel at your worm-swallowing skills.
2> When your temperature reaches 108, your belly button pops out, letting you know that you're ready for basting.
1> You're mesmerized by shiny objects -- it's either bird flu or you're Paris Hilton.